You can call me Mistress
by Death101a
Summary: sequel to 'You shall **** me because I can make you', parody of all those SI fics out there. yaoish, mindless swearing, and immaturity warning.


Own Gundam Wing? Willing to sell it for about 48 cents and some buttons (they're really pretty buttons)? 'Cause, in case you haven't guessed, I don't hold any of the copyrights, licensing, or any other part of Gundam Wing. Although I do own -lots- of GW merchandise.  
  
This is the sequel to 'You shall fuck me because I can make you'. I don't think it is necessary to read that fic if you're planning to read this. This is just another pardoy of those shoddy, pointless, idiot fics who have been lovingly nicknamed "Small-girl-child-mistakenly-given-access-to-a-computer-who-can't-get-any-so-writes-about-having-sex-with-anime-charaters" fics... er... wait... no, they're called self insertion fics, aren't they? Oh, hell, you know what I mean! Anyway, this is a pardoy of those very fics. I hope you enjoy...   
  
Warning:Mindless swearing, Yaoi (or shonen ai.. it doesn't have too much to do with sex) , and extreme immaturity ahead.  
  
++++++++++  
  
  
  
  
You can call me Mistress  
by Shinigamis"I will hurt the next Mary-Sue author I see"Angel  
  
  
  
  
The story begins with our g-boys fighting OZ. Hell, when aren't they? Now, I'm not going to give you a reason for them doing this. The reason should be painfuly obvious. ....What? You can't read my mind and figure out the plot behind this story? Don't worry, that means everything's fine. There is no plot (I told you it was painfully obvious).  
  
So anyway, here are the bois in... umm.. space.. yea, that's it, space!.... and they're getting their collective asses kicked. Letz go live to the battle!  
  
"Shit! They're everywhere!" cried Duo as more carriers swung by the battle zone, depositing thier troops and then getting their keisters outta there.  
  
(Authoress: *rolls her eyes* BOOOOO-RING! Lets get to the part where I show up!)  
  
Suddenly, over all the radio babble, came one strong, surprizingly sexy voice.  
  
"Feel the Wrath of the Alto-Death-Sand-Zero-Rock-Arms-Scythe-Long-Heavy-Lotus-Hell-Super-Duper-Ultra-Godly Gundam Infinity CUSTOM!!!"  
  
All the pilots, despite their exhaustion, wounds, and hopeless situation, burst out into hysterical laughter. But, wouldn't you? Of course, they all shut their traps when the new gundam proceeded to completely annhilate the enemy, where they all had failed miserably. They watched as the obscenely powerful gundam with... graceful butterfly-esqe wings... paused in front of where they had all gathered.  
  
"Meet me at the abandoned resource satellite at point 666.9" came the same mystery-voice. Then the gundam disappears without a trace. A big fucking hunk of gundanium alloy with fat-ass butterfly wings, just gone. Stranger things had happened.  
  
Then all the pilots said at the same time, "We have to go there!"  
  
"No! Wait a second, we don't know who this person is... but ... must.... go... anyway...." Duo said, trying to resist the urge to say that part of the last sentence.  
  
"I will not take orders. I will not take orders. I will not take orders, especially from that -woman-!", Wufei kept chanting, also feeling the same force that compelled him to go against all reason and just follow this stranger. His face scrunches up as his words become harder for him to spit out, "I will not take orders!! I ... will... not... ARRGH! Why the hell are we still here?! Let's go!"  
  
There wasn't an argument. Soon, they were all heading for for point 666.9.  
  
  
***Abandoned Resource Satellite***  
  
The five had all disembarked from their respective mobile suits, and their feeling lead them to a very simple corridor without any furniture. There, looking out a window at space, was the most beautiful creature they'd ever seen. Well, that's what they all thought, anyway.  
  
Quatre spoke first "Who are you..?"   
  
"I'm Mary-Sue"  
  
Duo's eyes widened... "I know that name! That's a very ba--" Duo tried to say more, but no sound came out. He turned to Heero so that Heero could read his lips or something, but the authoress was too quick to recover.  
  
"Of course you know that name, silly. Don't tell me you've forgotten.. your own SISTER!"  
  
Everyone stared at her and said ,"What!?!", except for Duo, who only managed to make a squeaking sound. They all looked at Duo.  
  
"You have a sister? I thought.." Trowa began  
  
Duo tried to speak again, and was surprized to find out he could, "I don--" but instead of his entrie throat locking up, his whole body went ridgid, his pupils contracting to become tiny black pinpoints in his eyes, and he said mechanically, "Yes. Yes, she is my sister." Duo then sneezed(*), and looked around, completely confused by what had just happened, his memories screwed with by Mary-Sue.  
  
"Are you alright, Duo?" Quatre asked, concerned.  
  
Duo just shook his head, still trying to figure out what was going on, "My head hurts." Quatre took him by the arm and lead him out into another room, and Trowa followed, leaving Heero and Wufei with Mary-Sue.  
  
Wufei eyed the girl suspiciously. Then, he heard the words come outta his mouth, "I challenge you to a fight".  
  
"Okay!" Mary-Sue said all too cheerfully. They walked into the center of the corridor, bowed, and in 5 seconds flat Mary had Wufei on the ground, completely at her mercy.  
  
"How?!?"  
  
Mary just smiled, "I know every martial art ever invented. Akido, Tae Kwan Do, Kung Fu... you name it, I've had extensive training in it." Wufei narrowed his eyes. He -knew- there had to be something wrong if this woman could beat him so easily so quickly. No-one could have that much training and be that young.  
  
Heero looked at the girl, and found himself asking ,"Tell me about that Gundam of yours?"  
  
"You mean the Alto-Death-Sand-Zero-Rock-Arms-Scythe-Long-Heavy-Lotus-Hell-Super-Duper-Ultra-Godly Gundam Infinity Custom?"  
  
"Yea... that's the one."  
  
"Well, it was made by Smartass Z. And it uses the INFINITY system, which is infinately better than the ZERO system, hence the name. You wouldn't be able to to use it." Mary-Sue said smugly. Heero raised an eyebrow, but said nothing. He was too busy looking at Mary-Sue's tits.  
  
Just then Trowa came in, looking kind pissed, which was saying somethin' considering we're talking about Trowa here.  
  
"You fucked with Duo's head, didn't you?!? I don't know how, but-" Trowa pratically growled at her. But before he could continue, Mary-Sue's eyes flashed, and suddenly Trowa stood like an automaton, and said monotonously, "I am Trowa-Bot. I live to serve." As he was halfway done saying that, Quatre came in.  
  
"Trowa! What happened?" he said as he went for Trowa. He didn't get very far when Mary-Sue made a flicking motion with her hands. Quatre slammed into a wall, and slumped over, unconscious.  
  
"What the hell!?! What the fuck is wrong with you?" Wufei shouted as a disoriented Duo came back into the corridor. He suddenly found himself wetting his pants.  
  
"Woman! This is your doing, too, isn't it?!? " Wufei looked like he was about to try to jump on Mary-Sue and beat the living shit outta her. As much fun as abusing her Author's power was, Mary-Sue was horny and wanted to do what she had written this fic to do, fuck a gundam pilot! She waved her hand and Trowa tackled Wufei before he could get too near her.  
  
"You keep 'em busy Manslave."  
  
"Yes, Mistress. Trowa-Bot lives to serve." came Trowa's emotionless reply.  
  
"Come, Heero" she said as she turned and walked way from the scene. Heero complies, having not yet taken his eyes of Mary's tits, hadn't noticed all the horrible things she'd been doing to everyone else.  
  
Seeing Heero completely smitten with Mary-Sue snapped Duo out of his daze. He saw Trowa-bot and Wufei of the wet pants fighting, and Quatre in a heap in the corner, beginning to stir. He went over to Quatre, not even wanting to know what was going onbetween Trowa and Wufei.  
  
After helping Quatre, Duo asked, both worried and pissed off, "Whadda we do now? That whore has Heero!"  
  
  
  
***In a bedroom lighted with pink lights, with a heart-shaped waterbed... and... well, the works***  
  
  
"Say it Heero!"  
  
"I want you! I'm yours! Please, please, please, let me fuck you, Mistress!!"  
  
  
[[The rest of this scene has been mercifully cut out. You can probably guess what it was all about. While reading this section, you'd think think the author was typing with one hand or somethin'..... then you come to the sickening realization that that was exactly what happened *shutters*.....]]  
  
  
***In Mobile Suit Hangar***  
  
Duo looked up at the stupid looking, yet insanily powerful gundam. Quatre and he had left Wufei and Trowa to fight, since Quatre had tried for an hour to get Trowa to see reason, but it hadn't worked. While he'd been doing that, Duo spent his time looking for Heero or this almighty machine. "So this is the Infinity Custom?"  
  
Then the author's disembodied voice rang out, "That's Alto-Death-Sand-Zero-Rock-Arms-Scythe-Long-Heavy-Lotus-Hell-Super-Duper-Ultra-Godly Gundam Infinity Custom, dammit! Took me forever to come up with that name!!!"  
  
"What the hell, you know we're here? .... and can't we just at least call it the ADSZRASLHLHSDUG Gundam Infinity Custom..?" Duo said, crossing his arms.  
  
"Of course I know you're there, I'm -omnipotent-, remember? And NOOOOO!!! You may only use Alto-Death-Sand-Zero-Rock-Arms-Scythe-Long-Heavy-Lotus-Hell-Super-Duper-Ultra-Godly Gundam Infinity Custom!!! Now, if you touch the Gundam, I'm going to have to electorcute you"  
  
"Shit!"  
  
***Back where Trowa and Wufei are deadlocked***  
  
Duo and Quatre walked into the room, looking defeated.   
  
"Wait a sec, why don't I try what worked with Trowa before(**)? Duo, lemme see your travel lube"  
  
"uhhh.... I have no idea what you're talkin' about....."  
  
"Just give it to me!!" Quatre snapped. Quatre snapping at him like that freaked Duo out, so he handed it over. Quatre waved it in front of Trowa's eyes and Trowa, coming to his sences, made a grab for it, but Quatre pulled it away.  
  
"Not right now, " Quatre said with a small smile, "The first order of business is getting Wufei a clean pair of pants."  
  
***Back in the Bedroom with the Pink Lights***  
  
Duo walks into the room, sealing himself against what he might see in there. Even though he thought he prepared for the worst, one look inside and he let loose a long string of obsenities in multipule languages that does not bear repeating.   
  
"Heero.... see this?" Duo held up a Playgirl magazine. The magazine caught Heero's full attention and he nodded. "You want it?" Duo asked.  
  
"Heero, don't listen! And you! How'd you escape my field of influence!?" Mary-Sue cried, becoming a little worried...  
  
"Fetch, Heero!" Duo said as he tosses the magazine into the hall. He bounds after it. Trowa, Quatre, and Wufei (wearing clean pants) then tackle him and drag him off.  
  
"As to answer your question, Mary-Sue," Duo said looking over at her, "Ever see the movie Speed? Same principal, we just got another author to help us out." Duo turns to leave and Mary calls out after him,  
  
"You're just going to leave me here?"   
  
Duo just laughs as he keeps walking.  
  
***Mobile Suit carrier by a field of debris***  
  
"You think the thousands of acid-soaked needles in her skin was a bit too much?" ShinigamisAngel asked quietly.  
  
"No!" the g-boys said in unison. Heero was back to normal, after ShinigamisAngel obliterated whatever feelings Mary-Sue had put into him.  
  
"Well, if you have any more problems, and are able too, just give me a call!" ShinigamisAngel waves and disappears, leaving to g-boys to do what they like... well, that is, until the next self-insertion author comes along and abducts them all...  
  
  
  
++++++++++The End++++++++++  
  
  
(*) stolen from 3rd Rock From the Sun *hangs head in shame* Whenever the Big Giant Head is done speaking through Harry, he sneezes  
(**) referance to 'You shall fuck me because I can make you'  
  
I'm sorry if ya think it wasn't as good as the original. I was alot angrier with SIs when I wrote that one. *shrugs* It's hard for me to tell. Anyway, thankee for reading down this far, and please review :)   
  
-ShinigamisAngel  
shinigamisangel@yahoo.com  
  
P.S. as I read over some reviews, I see there are some suggestions to make this a trilogy and make a team of Mary-Sues, whadda the rest of you think...? 


End file.
